


Trust Me

by A_Minyard



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, I mean this is still Kevin's early time at PSU so everything isn't okay yet but it's getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 11:43:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13635606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Minyard/pseuds/A_Minyard
Summary: Instead of developing alcoholism at PSU, Andrew discovers Kevin is struggling with an eating disorder. He intervenes and holds Kevin up because that's what Andrew does for his family. (Kevin POV)





	Trust Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A_Nobelmonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Nobelmonster/gifts).



> AFTG Exchange fic. Hope you like it friend!

Kevin had been doing this since his first few years in the Nest. Back then, he had no semblance of control of his own body. The master had all of that, from how long he could sleep or practice on the court, to what he ate. For him and Riko, purging was the only way they could get that back. Even the sickly feeling afterward became a kind of comfort, an affirmation that he was here and alive and in his own body and he had control over that much.

Outside of the Nest, he no longer had anyone standing over him, dictating how much or what kind of food was acceptable. It wasn’t him and Riko puking in the bathroom long enough to make themselves feel better and worse. At PSU, there were so many options but the most important one was gone. He wasn’t allowed on the court while his hand was healing. So he watched in horror as the Foxes devoured pizza and chips and soda and all the things Kevin and Riko indulged in so rarely they seemed almost alien. He didn’t like eating too much now that he couldn’t work it off on the court. He used his lack of interest in sharing their terrible diet as an excuse to eat as little or much as he wanted while Andrew slept.

Since Kevin arrived at PSU, Andrew had begun to watch him during meals more and more. He stared at Kevin with his drugged smile, so wide it looked painful, and Kevin would carefully school his expression into neutrality.

The cousins took him to Columbia the second weekend of January. At Sweetie’s, Andrew watched Kevin take a few bites of ice cream and smoosh the rest around, then sip at his drinks at Eden’s. Any more would make him sick. Kevin didn’t like the hangovers or the lack of control with alcohol in his body.

He stood with Andrew at the table sipping water, and watched the writhing crowd. He didn’t want to bring Andrew into the bathroom with him, and he didn’t want to go alone onto the dancefloor. That was too dangerous. But he couldn’t get Riko out of his mind, or the routines that had kept them sane. He was struggling for some sense of control when everything felt out of his hands, and he was losing. There was that itch under his skin to quell that feeling. It wasn’t the alcohol or shifting lights that made him feel like he couldn’t catch his balance or steady his frantic thoughts. He needed to run himself ragged on the court. He needed _something_ that felt familiar, that would tell him it would be okay. He was used to keeping secrets and pretending they weren’t there, but he didn’t trust himself to give this up to the manic goalie. Andrew didn’t understand his Nest or his fear of Riko. How could he understand this?

That night was the first time Andrew saw him. Andrew drove them home and the cousins drunkenly stumbled to their own beds. As soon as the house went quiet, Kevin sneaked away into the bathroom down the hall. With practiced effort, he forced his body to give up its contents and immediately regretted it. The taste was awful, and he turned to find Andrew standing in the doorway.

“Hm. I see. This is something I ought to know. You know that.”

Andrew tossed Kevin a bottle of water. Kevin caught it in his right hand then closed the toilet lid and sat on top. He was too dizzy to stand and he didn’t want Andrew to see him lose his balance.

Especially off his pills, Andrew had a piercing stare like Riko’s that could make you feel crushed if he left it on you long enough. The mad glint was there, as was the potential for violence. And the whole “I see what you’re doing but I’m going to pretend I don’t until it is beneficial for me” thing. But so far, Andrew hadn’t broken Kevin down and he wasn’t eager to find out whether Andrew would, given enough incentive. He sipped the water gingerly then held it in his shaking right hand.

“I don’t know how you’re supposed to heal if you’re doing this. But that’s not my business.”

Kevin gripped the bottle tighter. It was the one thing he had tried not to think about. He’d never broken bones before. It was hard to tell how quickly he would heal if his body didn’t have the right nutrients. Was Andrew going to use this against him now? For all he knew, Andrew would use it as an excuse to prove Kevin could never give him what he’d promised.

All he could say was, “I can’t help it.” It was the truth.

“Hm.” Andrew uncrossed his arms, then dug a hand into his pocket. He held his pill bottle up to the light, assessing it with a blank stare.

“You keep my pills. I’ll keep you on track.”

That took a moment to process. Andrew wasn’t going to use this against him? He should. It worked in his favor, as little as Kevin understood why Andrew would want to be a failure. His mind was too sluggish from lack of sleep and lack of food and… everything, but he got there.

“You’ll help me.”

Andrew nodded. “Same deal as before. I’m not scared of Riko. How hard do you think it will be to make sure you keep your food down?”

It was at this point that Kevin remembered Andrew had gotten Aaron and Matt clean. Kevin told himself it was different, but Andrew was giving him a look that said this was neither surprising nor new. Kevin was choosing to trust him with everything else. He may as well trust him with this.

He stopped hiding it, or tried. Out of habit, he kept the worst feelings to himself. He never said it aloud. But Andrew stared him down until Kevin ate most of his (healthy) food. He didn’t listen to Kevin’s arguments that he was eating too much. Andrew threw out the mints Kevin had used to cover the acid smell. His thoughts became clearer, his body less aching and tired. It took some time to get used to eating normally, but any time he felt unsteady or tempted (which was often) Andrew was right there with him.

The biggest test so far was February. The stores were filled with candy and chocolate and with each trip back to the dorms, the cousins returned with armloads of it. On Valentine’s Day the cousins sat on the couch and the bean bag chairs and binged on their latest haul like animals devouring a kill.

Kevin nibbled chocolate covered strawberries instead from his seat at the table. Which was progress. He had the USC game open on his laptop. Jeremy Knox was a good distraction, but the smell of sugar and chocolate and appreciative moans kept pulling him back to the Nest. With him and Riko ravenous, and devouring as much as they could before the master caught them.

Andrew stuffed his mouth more than any of them. The amount of crap he put in his body made Kevin sick and want to tear every sugar stuffed piece out of his hand and make him chug a green smoothie instead. But he wouldn’t do that to Andrew. He ignored any of Kevin’s recommendations anyway. Kevin had suggested a dietary regimen for the team so they’d be in better shape for semi finals but David threw it in the trash. So much for that.

Kevin eyed the Crunch bar Andrew was tearing apart. He did get tired of egg whites and salads and fruit all the time, but he didn’t trust himself. Indulgence was always followed by self induced punishment with the master’s words from practice repeated in his head. _You deserve this. You deserve this._

A thud against his chest jerked him out of his thought spiral. A mini Crunch bar landed on his lap. He held it delicately and found Andrew watching him.

“Go on,” Andrew said. “I won’t let you have too many.”

“That’s rude, Andrew! I bought these for everyone!” Nicky argued through a mouth of starburst from across the room. “Kevin, have as much as you want.”

Aaron immediately grabbed more from the pile. “I’m not giving up my share.”

“You just took more than your share! You don’t even like caramel. Jeez.”

Andrew waggled a Hershey’s bar at them. “Mind your own business.” He turned back to Kevin. The words from before echoed in his ear, every time Kevin needed to lean on him a little extra. _Don’t you trust me?_

And he did. He shouldn’t. He didn’t know how it was possible to trust someone as crazy as Andrew, but Andrew hadn’t broken his word so far. Andrew had never said he would do one thing and then do another and punish Kevin for it, or leave him out on a limb, fighting by himself. He’d fought for him. Andrew was there and he would hold him up, just like always.

His eyes also said, “If you think you’re getting any of my candy you’re wrong, unless you like blood with your chocolate.”

Kevin unwrapped the bar. The smell turned his stomach a little but he was already salivating. It was so terrible and good and addictive, like guilt and stolen kisses in the locker rooms. He washed it down with half a bottle of water to get the taste of sugar and Riko out of his mouth. He felt antsy and eyed the bathroom without meaning to.

Andrew tossed him another one at a glance, and held his stare long enough to ground him. He took another bite and started to feel better, like he could breathe.

It was the first time that Kevin indulged and didn’t purge afterwards. That itch under his skin didn’t go away with the piles of candy everywhere, but the night wasn’t going to end with Kevin light headed and sick in a fight for control over his own body. He watched the USC game as the twins fought Nicky over his movie choice and Nicky insisted _this is Valentine’s Day let me have my crappy romance you heartless assholes_.

His hand and his heart ached to be on the court, and he promised himself he would be there again. He imagined next year, racing up the court with Andrew at his back. Andrew might act like he didn’t care about anything, didn’t care about Exy especially, but Kevin had seen him fight back the first time they’d met. He’d seen Andrew try to shut him out, could see Andrew watching him now out of the corner of his eye.

The feeling of someone’s eyes on him was claustrophobic but familiar and steadying. If Andrew gave enough of a shit through the haze of his drugs to hold Kevin up, he would make sure Andrew got something in return. It was hard to see a future without Riko hunting him down, but he was starting to imagine a future where Kevin had some semblance of control. Where he had someone at his back that wouldn’t let him down. No matter how long it took, he would get through to Andrew, too. Kevin owed him that much.


End file.
